Hopefully you read Part I of this post. 35 ways to wage war against the oppressive patriarchy was too much even for this Femi-warrior to fit into one blog post. Just a reminder, I was 6 for 17 at fulfilling the practical steps toward advancing feminism in the first half of our battle. Let’s get back to the action and see if I can get that batting average over .500!
18. Don’t ogle or make comments about women. (i.e., Keep your tongue in your mouth and comments to yourself.)
I think I figured it out. This chick is jealous of all the attention the other girls are getting.
And yes, I’m guilty of this one. Forgive me
father mother sister, for I have sinned.
6 of 18.
19. Pay attention to the sex of experts and key figures presenting information to you in the media.
I already do this all the time. In fact, it comes naturally to me. Whenever Jemele Hill or Jackie MacMullen are yammering about some nonsense on ESPN I get annoyed that women are talking about men’s sports and….whoops, I’m being a bad feminist again. That being said, technically I’m complying with this suggestion. Score one for the good guys!
7 of 19.
20. Ensure that some of your heroes and role models are women.
I have one role model and his name is Earl Smith III. Unless JR gets a sex change, I’m out of luck on this one.
7 of 20.
21. Praise the virtues and accomplishments of women in your life to others.
You should see me when I’m eating a few of my mom’s latest batch of cookies and I won’t shut up about how great a baker she is.
8 of 21.
22. Have integrity with your male friends. (i.e., Don’t be a “bro.”)
This sounds contradictory to me. The highest form of integrity amongst my male friends would be to subscribe to “guy code” or what some might call the “bro code”. I will absolutely have integrity in my friendships with fellow men, but I will also continue to be a “bro”. I guess I don’t get credit.
8 of 22. I was so close on that one.
23. Don’t treat your spouse like a “nag.” If she is “nagging,” you are probably lagging.
I love that this woman assumes nothing. She approaches every single dispute between men and women with no biases whatsoever. It makes it really easy for me to listen to what she has to say.
That being said, again, I’m not married so again I fall short.
8 of 23.
24. Know that acknowledging your own sexist opinions and stereotypes you hold is not enough. Do something about them.
I’m dedicating not one, but two blog posts to the subject. What more do you want from me, lady?
9 of 24.
25. Befriend women.
I read you. Perfect defense for when someone accuses me of being a sexist. “What?!? Me, sexist?!? Like, then why do I have, like, a bunch of female friends then?”
10 of 25.
26. Find female mentors/leaders. (i.e., Be subordinate to women.)
If American pop culture holds any truth at all I’ll have a life sentence of this to endure if I ever get married. I think I’ll pass for now.
10 of 26.
27. When in a romantic relationship, be responsible for events and special dates associated with your side of the family.
Sure, fine. I don’t understand what this has to do with feminism, but rather just being a good son/brother.
11 of 27.
28. Don’t police women’s appearance.
Damn it. I had just sent in my application to the Fashion Police. I guess I’ll have to withdraw my name from consideration.
11 of 28.
29. Offer to accompany female friends if they have to walk home alone at night…or in a public space where they may be likely to feel unsafe.
Seriously I don’t think this woman is the best voice for feminism. Apparently she thinks women turn into little girls who need big strong men to protect them at all times. Here’s my practical suggestion to you, sweetheart: Listen to more Dixie Chicks and make “Enough” starring Jennifer Lopez your new favorite movie. Maybe you won’t be so scared of men as you walk home when you’re humming along to “Goodbye, Earl”.
But hey, if you want me to help out by walking with a lady, I think I can handle that.
12 of 29.
30. Inject feminism into your daily conversations with other men.
Hahahaha…does it count if we’re laughing about a great feminist mind like Ali G dialoguing about the subject?
13 of 30.
31. If you have a tendency to behave inappropriately toward women when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, do not consume drugs or alcohol.
This chick must be a treat at parties.
But okay, if I find myself unable to stop groping chicks left and right after I have a couple beers, I’ll immediately put the cork in my bottle.
14 of 31.
32. Be aware of the physical and emotional space you occupy, and don’t take up more space than you need.
Hey, tell that to Rosie O’Donnell and get back to me. Actually, better yet, why don’t take your “fat-shaming” back a notch.
But yeah, I’m working on this one.
15 of 32.
33. Walk the walk about income inequality.
I’m going to give myself credit for this one. No, I would never donate 23% of my income to some “social justice-oriented cause” like she suggested, but I have spent a lot more money on dates or in relationships than my female counterparts. That sounds like walking the walk to me.
16 of 33.
34. Get in the habit of treating your maleness as an unearned privilege that you have to actively work to cede rather than femaleness being an unearned disadvantage that women have to work to overcome.
Clearly I earned my “maleness” as she so eloquently puts it. Once upon a time I was a fast little sperm cell with a Y chromosome that won the race so I’m gonna live it up celebrating that fact. Sorry if that makes me a bad feminist.
16 of 34.
35. Self-identify as a feminist.
17 of 35.
So, there you have it. I’m almost batting .500, which I consider a wild success for a novice like me.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a break from dismantling the patriarchy by kicking back with a beer and discussing item 30 with Al Bundy. Goodnight.